The Evolution of Revolution
Thirteen separate colonies, united
in a fight for freedom, rallied
against tyranny of royalty
across the sea.
Our founders spoke of revolution,
a democratic evolution spelled out
in a Declaration: self respect
for this, our nation.
But victory only lessened the stigma
of our oppression. Decades passed
till we acknowledged our own crime
of human bondage.
The fight for equal rights
continues to this day, so that
all may savor a hard won victory,
enjoy the fruits of liberty.
This poem is my response to Poetics: Revolution,
the prompt from Merril at dVerse ~ Poets Pub.
I haven’t decided which I prefer,
this bit of free verse with internal rhyme
or my original with rhyme and near-meter.
The Evolution of Revolution
Thirteen separate colonies
United in a fight for free-
dom rallied against tyranny
of royalty across the sea
Our founders spoke of revolution
A democratic evolution
Spelled out in a Declaration
Self respect for this, our nation
But victory only lessened
The stigma of our oppression
Decades passed till we acknowledged
Our own crime of human bondage
The fight continues to this day
For equal rights, so that all may
Savor a hard won victory
Enjoy the fruits of liberty
rivrvlogr 
I like the first, but the second would make a good song.
Revolution always contains evolution. To stay in the same place is to wither and die. Well said. (K)
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Thank you, Kerfe. I’ve recorded both, as suggested by others. Since theirs no consistent meter in the rhymed-line version I didn’t read it the way I expected. That’s good, because I have a hard time accepting meter while reading. The two versions sound pretty much the same, with the exception of the switched lines in the last stanza and an emphasis on “may” for rhyme.
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Thanks, Ken–so true. The “founders” created a revolutionary form of government, which also excluded many, and we’re still grappling with that.
I “think” I prefer the first one, except I really like the second stanza of the second one. So I’m no help! 😀 Maybe you need to record them both and see how each sounds when read aloud.
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Thanks, Merril. I’ve since recorded them, and they sound the same, with the exception of the switched lines in the last stanza and an emphasis on “may” for rhyme.
Since meter doesn’t exist an all lines of the rhymed version, I avoided reading it throughout.
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So. . .do you have a preference now?
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I do, and it’s the first one here. I think it comes down to the grammar in the last stanza, which I think came out (though not quite forced) in the original to achieve a rhyme. And, as I said to Kerfe, when it’s my own, I have a hard time accepting meter while reading. Or even rhyming end-words. If I’m going for a flow that’s almost conversational (or even declarative), then I want to write something that makes the reader think, like internal rhyme or enjambment that suggests another perspective.
By the way, thank you for the prompt. 🙂
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You’re welcome. 😀
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There’s still a long way to go, I’m thinking.
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Yes, quite a way.
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I do like the first one.
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Thank you, Miriam.
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Both good … but I would choose the second if I were going to read this aloud … either format, your message is clear and potent!
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Thanks, Jazz. I’ve recorded both, and they sound the same, with the exception of the switched lines in the last stanza and an emphasis on “may” for rhyme.
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Each has merit – If I had to choose, the first seemed to convey the tone better.
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Thank you, V.J.
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Welcome Ken.
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I find the first one more powerful. Great poem, Ken!
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