Broken Rib

/ Ken Gierke / rivrvlogr

Broken Rib

I wash all thought of you
from my mind.
Routinely.

Still, you surface
like the broken rib
of a long-forgotten wreck
left behind for better times,
as if the light of day will change
your waterlogged story, erase
the memory of our stormy past.

This poem is my response to Quadrille night: ashes to ashes, the prompt from Sarah at dVerse ~ Poets Pub, which is to use a form of the word ash in a 44-word poem (excluding title), with no required meter or rhyme. Wash from your mind any thought that “wash” is not a form of “ash.”

**Returning to this after a couple of hours, I see that I could have
written it this way and included “ash.”

Broken Rib

I wash all thought of you
from my mind.
Yet, you surface
like the broken rib
of a long-forgotten wreck,
as if the light of day will change
your waterlogged story,
erase our stormy past. If only
it had been reduced to ash.

Image source: National Park Service

54 thoughts on “Broken Rib”

  11. I like both versions – I especially found the word “routinely” very very powerful. Very telling. And yes, the implications of Adam/Eve – relationships etc. comes through very well. I think the first one speaks more of a distancing, focusing more of the other person’s story, where the second version offers a duo-perspective, is more about how both respond/react in the connection. As I noted, I’m not sure I could choose – I think the first works in a more subtle sense, if one is searching for the “effects” – by simple virtue of, again, “routinely” …. so maybe, for me, that’s the clincher. Either way, definitely a good exploration and poetic offerings.

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    • Thank you for your thoughtful comment.

      “routinely” — Yes, I considered removing it from the first poem, due to word count, but I felt it was too important so edited elsewhere. With the second version, I felt the added line replaced the emphasis of of routine by ending it.
      If not adhering to the 44-word limit of the prompt, I might have included both.

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      • yes, it can be quite the conundrum – a tight word count means the editing really becomes pointed and particular – but it’s a really excellent word crafting exercise – it shows how a few words can alter direction, tone, emphasis etc. – but you already know this – as you also write flash! At any rate, both versions are strong and interesting, slightly different, but worthy of the content being offered up.

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  12. Delightfully written. Personally I think I favor the second simply for the power of the dichotomy. All aside, I adore the imagery – wet and protruding, a brutal haunt indeed.

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