Five days ago, I wrote two versions of Where the River Bends as a response to MTB: To turn again, about turn again, where we were asked to write a poem using epiphora – repeatedly using the same words to end lines. When a few readers (Merril, Kerfe & Ron.) pointed out how close the first version is to a ghazal I decided to write a third version. I’ve considered internal rhyme within the second line of each stanza of a ghazal to be optional, but this time I have met that requirement. I close here with the original and notes on the ghazal.
Where the River Bends
Where the river bends I trail my paddle,
where the river bends yet lends itself to my paddle.
On trees long dead rising from the river,
turtles scatter, water spatters far from my paddle.
Heron on the shore leaps to stately flight
as my kayak nears and it hears my paddle.
I turn for home, thankful for all the gifts
beneath passing oaks, as I stroke my paddle.
A boat passes and a fisherman nods his head.
I ken, as the river bends, and raise my paddle.
~~~~~~~
Where the River Bends
Where the river bends I trail my paddle,
where the river bends yet meets my paddle.
On trees, submerged yet breaking water,
turtles scatter when they see my paddle.
Heron standing on the shore leaps to stately flight
with broad wing-strokes when it hears my paddle.
I turn for home, thankful for all the gifts
granted today with each stroke of my paddle.
A fisherman waves as his boat passes
where the river bends, and I raise my paddle.
Ghazal
~ five or more couplets, the same length, meter not required
~ first couplet rhymes; 1 to 3 words in 2nd lines repeated;
rhyme – aA bA cA dA eA
~ (optional) internal rhyme in second lines, preceding repeated rhyme
~ possible naming or reference to author in last couplet
~ traditionally invoking melancholy, love, longing, and metaphysical questions,
ghazals are often sung by Iranian, Indian, and Pakistani musicians
Nicely done, Ken! I like it.
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Thank you. 😀
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I like this best (so far?) – especially your use of ken in the closing line.
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Thanks, Jazz. I think I’ll leave it be for awhile.
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I like the way it keeps evolving. Each version looks both forward and back. (K)
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Thank you. It’s hard to not be thankful for moments like these.
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