walked through once
I know how
to build doors
there’s a difference
between entrances
and exits
enough
to risk the sun
the damage of life
wants me vulnerable
cleaved to the spine
pulling back
to the end
the body read
a door of risk
This is my response to dVerse Poetics: About Portals, from Anmol at dVerse Poets Pub. My cross-out poem is derived from one shared by Anmol, What’s Left Behind After a Hawk Has Seized a Smaller Bird Midair, by Justin Miller Reed.
Image source: morguefile.com
rivrvlogr 
I love how you captured your poem! I’ve never done a cross-out poem.
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Thank you. It can be challenging.
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Brilliant reductionist approach. Great results!
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Thanks, Ron! 🙂
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Excellent! That is really interesting. I have never done one either I and may just have to try it 🙂
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Thank you. 🙂
Go for it!
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I’ve never tried a cross-out poem, but your very masterful write makes me want to give it a try. Well done!
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🙂 Thank you. It can be interesting, whether you reinforce the original or take it in an entirely different direction.
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Wowsers! Now you’ve inspired me, what a brilliant erasure, Ken! Although there’s much to admire in the original, I love the windows thrown wide effect of your condensed version.
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🙂 Thank you, Lynne. 🙂
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I love this. The door as barrier or portal and the risks of either. This gives me a lot to think about.
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Thank you. I wasn’t sure where this would take me. And yes, portal or barrier – whether to open leave as is.
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I’ve been reading some books set in ancient Rome and there was a description of the various stages of entry into a (well-off) Roman house, with different levels of access and rooms for various status of people. Somehow your poem made me think of this.
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I admire the writing process and found poem. There are differences between entraces and exits!
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There are, and which? Perspective. Thank you.
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I like how you came to this, can be such fun.
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It can. 🙂 Thank you.
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🙂
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Damn rights, we need to be aware whether we are coming or going. Cross-out poems , in one form or other, have been done at d’Verse; called blackout poems and they are fun .
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Thanks, Glenn.
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This is wonderful Ken. The door as a portal of risk–it is now. (K)
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Thank you, Kerfe. You won’t know until you open it.
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That’s so cool — I love erasure poems and your verse is definitely creative, turning into a singular entity in its scope and meaning. I am glad that Reed’s words worked for you.
-HA
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Thank you. I’ve only tried this a few times. The original words have to provide motivation.
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And thank you for the prompt.
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Wow! So creative🙂
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Thank you. 😀
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I haven’t written an erasure poem for a long time – yours is perfect for the prompt, Ken, and I love the title. I especially love the lines:
‘there’s a difference
between entrances
and exits
enough
to risk the sun’.
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Thank you, Kim. An erasure can be rewarding. I’v had a few that I just gave up on. This original definitely motivated.
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it made me smile to see an erasure derived from poem that starts with the words “What’s left behind” Such a beautiful result, risk and brimming life with each door. the inevitable damage, but the sun is indeed worth the risk!
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🙂 Thank you. Yes, that opening is almost like a challenge, isn’t it?
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Zactly ☺️
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This is clever, and so well done, Ken. I love what you came up with–walked through once, and a difference between entrances and exits.
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Thanks, Merril. It all comes down to an original that works for this.
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Those doors offer more risk today. Even staying inside can be risky.
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Being confined in close quarters during the pandemic lock-down probably has resulted in some frayed nerves.
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I love what you’ve done with the original thought-provoking poem–to illustrate powerfully what the process of condensing can reveal. “I know how to build doors” indeed! And thank you for including the cross-out. Such an inspiring work you offer here!
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Thank you. It can be a rewarding process.
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This is great. I didn’t count but how did you decide which words to highlight and which to cross out? That gives me some great ideas for writing! I love that!
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Thank you.
For this erasure, I started with the impression the original poem left with me. I wanted a poem that could be read as giving the same message as the original.
This screenshot is my first time presenting it this way. In Libre Office, I highlighted the individual words I used, then went back to cross out the rest. Due to its height, I took two screen shots and stitched them together.
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Ditto! Also, I particularly liked idea that doors for entries and exits are different. I think the words you chose demonstrate a fine sense of poetics.Thanks for including the source.
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And thank you!
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This is the first I have seen something like this…Thank you for letting me know these are erasure poems…This is on spot…Ahhhmazingg…Much love…keep safe:)
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Thank you. 🙂
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An excellent way to find the poem in a poem …
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Thank you, Björn.
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