Deer Enclosure (visiting Wang Wei)
Loneliness on empty hill
Hearing voices of past visitors
Same when visiting deep forest
Green moss shining in reflected light
Literal translations of classic Chinese poetry can be found at chinese-poems.com. This is my interpretation of a poem by Wang Wei. The literal translation, as provided at chinese-poems.com, is as follows:
Deer Enclosure
Empty hill not see person
Yet hear person voice sound
Return scene enter deep forest
Duplicate light green moss on
Image source: Sotheby’s – Deer under Pine Tree, by Shen Quan
More Chinese interpretations can be found here.
Linked to Open Link Night #259 at dVerse Poets Pub.
rivrvlogr 
It’s always uber cool when you grace us with one of your translation. Poetry in other languages has such different inflections and meanings and inferences. Bjorn amazes me with his writing poems in English.
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Thank you, Glen. 🙂
I agree with you about writing poetry so well in a second language.
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It is amazing to interpret that literary translation to something so beautiful… the parallel between the open hill and the depth of the forest is striking.
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Thank you, Björn. Sometimes, I read these as cues or prompts, and I’m glad when I can find my own poetry within the original .
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Such a wistful poem, Ken. I l like your version. I especially like the way you evoke the feeling of solitude and distance in the juxtaposition of the opening lines.
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Thank you, Kim.
Maybe the question is whether the solitude increases that distance or shortens it with its focus.
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This is absolutely phenomenal!! 💝💝
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Thank you. 😀
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This feels desolate to me, where empty outlines, like photo negatives, are all that’s left of a vivid cherished reality from another time. I appreciate Chinese poetry and like your rendering, Ken.
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Thank you, Lisa.
I can see that – where the only consolation is the surroundings of nature.
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You’re welcome. I bought “300 Tang Poems” volume years ago now and am struck by how many poems in it are wracked with regret and sadness.
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I couldn’t decide if this was a situation of self-imposed isolation or a matter of the scene acting as a reminder of those who are gone from us.
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You’re right it’s difficult to say…
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Such a short piece, but such power to transport the reader.
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Thank you, Carol. The original is one of the shorter poems I’ve tried to interpret at chinese-poems.com, but it fits my usual tendency for brevity. I’m glad my version was effective.
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That literal translation isn’t quite up to par with the grammar is it? I rather like your idea of taking those translations and making them your own. You did so well with expanding on those few words. Very beautiful. Gayle ~
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Thank you, Gayle. In trying for clarity, I also tend to add a bit of myself to these.
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the voices in the forest are deeply inspiring to those who feel them, you have not just interpreted but “felt” the poem
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Thank you, Gina. 🙂
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I like the link between loneliness and not seeing.
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Thank you, Frank. Yes, a reminder of what’s no longer available to us.
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Very nice Ken. It would be interesting if we could know what the original poet would think of our interpretation of their poem!
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Thank you, Dwight. Time to hop into the DeLorean!
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Back to 1963 for me!!
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intriguing work ken!
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Thank you. 🙂 My words for these poems definitely are interpretations, trying to add some depth to the simple text.
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Stirring verse … be it deer or human, voices heard though not exactly there in the moment …
I’m fascinated with your word “enclosure” … enclosure of voices in memory? … surrounding voices enclosing listener?
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That’s an interesting observation regarding “enclosure.” Since this poem contrasts open and forested areas, is the term an abstract reference, focusing on the source of those voices?
While the body of the original poem makes no mention of deer, apparently there’s a scholarly dispute over the meaning of “enclosure” – whether a park or a fenced area.
If you really want to get into the meat and potatoes of this poem, there’s this:
http://www.textetc.com/workshop/wt-wang-wei-1.html
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Thanks for the link … fascinating facts and perspectives. I love your translation … and I’ll let my mind go on puzzling “enclosure” regardless of its implication to Wang Wei.
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🙂
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I like your interpretation – smoother and sets the emotions in the first line.
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Thank you, Grace. I like the ambiguity of that “loneliness.” Is it simply being alone, or is it solitude, ore even isolation?
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Whereas your translation would suit western minds more no doubt the literal translation is much like the orginal to the Chinese reader. Our minds have developed differently to understand the language style over thousands of years and both are correct!
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Thank you. Hopefully, if/when time travel becomes possible, we’ll also have discovered the Babel Fish!
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As others have said, I like how you make these poems your own. I imagine those “voices of past visitors” echoing there, but not everyone can hear them.
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Thank you, Merril. Yes, voices specific to the listener.
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The loneliness of a hill and a forest speak a loudly to me in this poem. Your translation brings it to a richer depth. Nice!
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There are definitely places where those voices congregate. I love the feeling your words conjure. (K)
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Thank you, Kerfe. 🙂
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What a wonderful thing, this is delightful. I once had to translate some poems, in various order, from English to German, French to German and back to English, including a couple that had been written in one of the languages by a non-native speaker. Then I had to do the whole shebang into Spanish, which I don’t speak very well. Probably a few “Empty hill not see person”s in there.
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Thank you. 🙂
lol @ your Spanish shebang
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Thank you for so much in this post Ken, the image, the link, and translation – your lines are a delight.
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Translation, interpretation of a poem from another language…now, that’s a cool thing to do! Nicely done.
Pat
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Thanks, Pat. 🙂
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