Omission ~ Remission
What follows is a free flow of thoughts – and not very cheerful, at that – looking back more than fifty years. It’s not something I’ve ever written about, for myself. I thought it was time. I learned a lot from my father, and we had a good relationship, but this is about letting him down, which was a lesson in itself. Those who are familiar with my writing will know that it’s a long piece, for me. To the right is a distillation, of sorts – again, not very cheerful.
Trying to be involved, but always
self-conscious. That was me, in school.
Except as an athlete, which wasn’t me, at all.
Until I was told I was fast enough
to run track. So, a ninth grader walked
to the high school every afternoon.
When an athlete’s dinner was held
at the junior high, I was clueless.
I wasn’t an athlete. But, yes, I was.
At the last minute, I attended,
only to find out it was a father-son event.
How could I tell my father?
I didn’t have to. Two days later,
my mother said, “Dad was at the bank
for the car loan. The president said
he saw you at the father-son dinner,
and he was sorry Dad couldn’t be there.”
Flash forward three years.
I remember her words like it was yesterday,
“You know, Dad went to your track meet
and you never acknowledged him.”
The one time he left work early
to see me run, and I didn’t see the one face
I’d always wanted to see there.
Too self-conscious, I would stay
away from the bleachers,
except to talk to my girlfriend.
It had to look like I was ignoring him.
Not a word was said afterward, but I knew.
He was disappointed. I would have been.
Did I feel as bad about it as he did?
It sure felt like it. It took me another week
to tell him I never saw him at the meet.
And he never went again.
Remission of Self
Class within class
Wanting to be unseen
Student or jock
A father’s expectations
Wanting to be seen
Guilt by omission
Too little, too late
Linked to Write me some treats! from Lillian, for Open Link Night at dVerse.