across the valley

Carpe Diem #1511 Bashō’s Blossoms (Revise That Haiku)
offers two classic haiku by Bashō: 

a cloud of cherry blossoms;
the temple bell,-
is it Ueno, is it Asakusa?
~~~~~
how many, many things
they call to mind
these cherry-blossoms!

My revisions:

across the valley_1

across the valley
cherry blossoms fill the air
unknown temple bell


~~~~~

across the valley_2

fondest memories
hidden in cherry blossoms
most welcome of gifts

 
 
Images
The Metropolitan Museum of Art – Blossoming Cherry Tree by a Stream, by Kitsushika Hokusai
Museum of Fine Arts Boston – Cherry Blossoms, by Utagawa Hiroshige

4 thoughts on “across the valley

  1. Two very nicely crafted revisions. I like both of them. I even like your first revision more than the original, maybe that’s because of the fact that you have not used the Japanese places as mentioned in the original. Your haiku is more of the whole world.

    Liked by 1 person

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