True Friend
He spends more time here than I do, Rex, this faithful retriever that comes to this shore every morning, before dawn. I come to remember Paul and the joy he found when hunting with his dog.
He always saw so much more in Rex than as merely a retriever. They were companions, best friends who spent many hours hiking the trails near our home, but it was those trails that brought an end to their companionship.
The day that Rex came home alone, whining, was the worst day of my life. His anxiety could mean only one thing. Paul most definitely had suffered some sort of mishap. I immediately went to my neighbor, Tom, and asked him to accompany us on the trail. I knew that Rex would lead us straight to Paul. And, he did.
Paul lay at the bottom of an embankment, thirty feet below the trail, on his back, splayed across a large boulder. There was no sign of life, yet also no way to reach him immediately. I waited there with Rex, frantically, while Tom went for help. It was several hours before a rescue team reached Paul’s body. By all signs, his death had been instantaneous. I was devastated by the loss of this man, whom I loved so much.
Ever faithful, Rex waited at the top of the cliff. He even accompanied Paul to the ambulance at the head of the trail.
And now, every morning, he lies on the lake shore, waiting for Paul’s return.
This my response to Jane Dougherty’s Microfiction Challenge #24: Moonlit night, with the painting Moonlit Night, by Ilya Repin. The word count is 256. As always, Jane’s critique is welcome.
**As Jane has wisely pointed out, I originally used “wait” (waiting) twice in the last sentence, so I’ve changed the first to “lie.” After all, it’s been said that one should “let sleeping dogs lie,” so, of course, waiting dogs should lie, as well!
Image source: Wikimedia Commons
Oh, I liked this very much, sad, believable and beautiful.
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Merci!
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Reblogged this on O LADO ESCURO DA LUA.
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Thank you.
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Intense. What a powerful connection you have created here.
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Thank you, sir.
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Good story, thoughtful and gentle. Two things. There are a lot of ‘waits’ in the last couple of lines, so you have the dog ‘waits…waiting’. The other thing is the geography. The woman and the dog can’t get down to the body so they wait for the ambulance on the cliff top. So where does the lake come in, where the dog now goes to wait for Paul to come back? Wouldn’t be sit on the cliff top? Or is it because the lake was one of their favourite walks but the reader doesn’t know this?
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I see what you mean. When I get home, I’ll change that first wait to “lies.”
The idea for the elevation came to me when I saw the elevation in the background of the painting.
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You need the idea of the elevation for the story, it’s just I wondered why the lake was important since Paul’s death was associated with a fall from a cliff.
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The dog is a retriever, and they are used in hunting waterfowl, which I suppose could have been mentioned, but which I considered a redundancy since I said Rex is a retriever.
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This is a lovely response, beautifully done..
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Thank you, Michael.
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A very good poem. Thanks for sharing.
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🙂 🙂
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Reblogged this on All About Writing.
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Thank you for sharing this.
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You are welcome.
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This felt as if you were recalling an actual occurrence, other than it needs a tweak, an edit pass this could go on to be part of a short. A story I would like to read. Well done. 😇
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🙂 Thank you.
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Poor, faithful dog waiting for a master who never comes home. Very sad. My only small criticism is I’d like to see some ‘colour’ included – how the places looks and feels and smells. Great story though 🙂
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I see what you mean. A mention of autumn, for instance, could include both the earthy smells and the leaf color, adding depth to the experience. I was focused on the immediacy of the situation/emergency. And then, with these prompts, once I get past 200, I get hung up on the word count. The image being of nighttime, I thought of the lack of color (although, even the mention of predawn could refer to the effect of the moonlight).
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It is tought to add detail in such a tight word count and you’re right to focus on story – after all, ‘show not tell’ is not always the most useful approach, especially when you only have 200 odd words or less to play with. An enagaging tale all the same 🙂
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What a beautiful sad story. Great use of the image & imagery within the writing in such a short word count – lovely. KL ❤
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Thank you.
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Pingback: Microfiction challenge Moonlit night: the entries – Jane Dougherty Writes
Wonderful, lovely, sad story, Ken. I imagine Rex waiting for Paul for the rest of his life, and the woman both comforted by the dog because of the bond they share and saddened by watching him.
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Thank you. That’s an interesting thought. Her attachment to Rex growing stronger due to the bond, yet Rex waiting for his return so that she doesn’t have to be a surrogate.
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Yes, it’s bittersweet.
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Well, it’s been said above, but both sad and beautiful. The dog is very real. (K)
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A very touching story. I was very impressed reading it.
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🙂
Thank you.
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Loved this. Only someone who has been owned by a dog can connect with this emotionally.
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They do have a way.
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