Burning Angel
He was the one driven member of our group of “slackers” in college, but he never left us behind after graduation. Over the years, he was the one person we could count on for support, helping a few of us financially and always offering a shoulder to cry on.
Lately, he seemed to be the one suffering from depression. As it turned out, his empathy was the cause.
We never met as a group anymore, so it was a surprise when he asked all of us to meet at the park, a hangout from our college days. Just after dusk, he stood before a scrap wood effigy of an angel. The scent of gasoline was in the air. When everyone had arrived, he spoke.
“I’ve brought you here to tell you I’m done. All of you have been my friends, and I don’t regret any of the time we’ve spent together or any of the help I’ve given you, but you’re draining my spirit. This has to end.”
With that, he turned and held a lighter up to the wood and said, “I will not be a martyr!”
As we gaped at the burning angel, he turned and walked away.
This my response to Jane Dougherty’s Microfiction Challenge #2: Burning Angel, offering a photo for inspiration, with a limit of 200 words (200, here). I passed on the suggested word, retribution. Of course, Jane’s critiques are welcome.
Image source: Wikipedia © Jimmy Fell
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Good turn deserves fiery death. Hmmm… Once again, you wake me up in the morning with something thoughtful. Thanks!!
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Enjoy those flaming sunsets, Daniel.
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I held my breath at the end of that one! He did only set light to himself in effigy though, didn’t he? Not a criticism, but something you could maybe add to the story (even if it goes beyond the word limit) would be an idea of the emotions of the narrator. The ‘martyr’ is distant, only seen through the eyes of the narrator, so I think it would make the story stronger to have the ‘slacker’ narrator more firmly established.
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Thank you, Jane. I understand what you mean. I started longer and trimmed to reach 200. There were a couple of sentences about the college phase and how the “martyr” was the “oddball” who liked their company but had actual goals of his own, while they were determined to make “the most” of their youth. Besides being well over the 200 goal, it didn’t fit my spare style. I’m sure I could do it with more words.
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Editors tell us we have to be ’emotionally engaged’ with the characters. In short fiction I suppose you have to be engaged with one of them. I know I don’t manage it every time, but I can see their point. Maybe leave out a line of the backstory and add the narrator’s reaction instead?
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Its an interesting situation isn’t that the one who offers us the most support and encouragement can also be the most vulnerable…I enjoyed your take…
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A strong way to get your message through to your “friends.” No more favours asked or given I imagine.
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Pingback: Microfiction challenge Burning Angel: the entries – Jane Dougherty Writes
I did think this was going to get even darker than it did! It’s an interesting little tale, left me with more questions than answers, but I suppose that is the nature of the 200 word window.
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%00 words definitely given more depth to the scene. I think 200 or less would leave nearly every story open to speculation.
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Absolutely. Maybe that’s part of the charm of these stories – you have so much freedom to interpret them as a reader.
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I do so hate the autocorrect on my phone. I’m glad my point squeaked through. 🙂
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Interesting cautionary tale. It also left me with more questions. I could actually see this as a scene in a longer work.
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Me thinks ‘twould be a sad tale.
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Definitely.
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